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Why is it so hard to find a HOH? It’s certainly not as easy as looking underneath a rock. It’s a tricky business, and really, you need luck to pull it off. Especially if you want a guy who’s “into spanking”, and even harder when you want a guy who respects the DD Lifestyle.

Alright, smarty pants—how did you find a suitable mate?

Well, the short story is that we met on the internet. Although it can be very unsafe if you’re not careful, it can also be a “bigger pool” of which to fish from. James, my husband, sent me a random chat. This certain fact helped me as it has helped so many other women:     I WAS NOT LOOKING. Not even window shopping. That’s always when Mr. Right comes along. Of course, he had qualifications. Enough qualifications, in fact, that I dumped the job in Pennsylvania I was offered and moved down to Austin, Texas to live with him.

Do all HOHs have “qualifications”?

Yes. Keep in mind that I’m one of those believers that think you cannot change a man. This fact slims down your choices considerably, since now you’re only looking at men that already have everything you require.

Not all HOHs are rich. Not all HOHs are neat-freaks. Not all HOHs are earth-shatteringly handsome. But this is what they all should have already:

  1. Friends. Not acquaintances, either. Full-fledged friends, and the more loyal they are, the better. The reason you want close friends in a man, is because it lowers the chances that they push people away. In fact, they tend to be people that you like the more you spend time with them. After all, their friends did—his friends love him. You might be able to, too.
  2. A stable work life. I’m not saying the economy can’t womp him a new one. The economy’s crazy. An HOH, however, is responsible, punctual, intelligent, clear, and consistent. Of course he makes a good employee—his boss loves him, or at least would never want to lose him.
  3. Good Hygiene. Hygiene, such as bathing regularly, wearing clean shirts, etc. means that he’s considerate. He’s worried about the impression he makes on other people, and he cares what other people think of him. Also, if he’s wearing a clean shirt, he knows how to do laundry, and more over—he does it. Meaning that he’s not lazy.
  4. Morals. And not the type that change on a daily basis—his type of morals have to be drawn in stone for him to make a really good HOH. He’s got to know the difference between right and wrong, and he’s got to have the character to abide by his own rules most of the time.
  5. Chivalry & Good Manners. I know; you’ve heard “chivalry is dead”. But let me assure you, it’s not. It’s still there to show you who would make a good HOH. Chivalry (described, btw, as: the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms) in a man shows that he knows that there’s a difference between men and women, and that men have to take care of women wherever they can.


    He’ll show you he’s got chivalry on the first date, if he has any. Look at his manners—does he open the door for you? Does he give you his coat when it’s cold outside? Does he slow down his walk so you can keep up with him without jogging? Did he keep eye contact? If he did most or all of these things, he’s got chivalry. And, better yet, he sounds like a guy who wants a wife more than a buddy he can have sex with. Remember—an HOH will take care of you when you’re ill. He’s not someone who you may refer to as “the third child” (if you have two children to begin with, that is).


If I see those 5 qualifications, is he into spanking too?

I’m not going to dupe you. He’s probably not. You’re probably going to have to teach him about what DD is (refer him to my first blog, maybe) and explain why you want it.


I’m not saying he’s not going to give you a slap on the tush during sex. And if he won’t do even that, the man’s just being selfish. Men are normally very easy to coax into such sexual fantasies. And erotic spanking is not that uncommon at all—in fact, it’s one of the most popular fetishes in the world. (The top fetish in the world being feet. I know—I too, was surprised. Feet totally gross me out.) So, if you need a spanking sometime in your life, you won’t have to look far.


But will he want to give discipline spankings? Maybe. Maybe not. Don’t be offended if he doesn’t take to the idea easily. A gentlemen would be hesitant to cause pain to their women, particularly when they’re unfamiliar to the concept of DD. Men today have been trained so rigorously not to hit women that they aren’t going to recognize the difference between hitting your face and slapping your butt. They’re simply going to think both are completely out-of-bounds.


So, don’t think you can coax a non-spanko into giving you disciplinary spankings on the first date, or even the first year of your relationship. You’ve got to open a very open line of communication and trust. Then, and only then, can you make him come around to the idea.


What about getting guys off spanking websites?

If you’re destined to follow in my footsteps, and don’t want to play games, here’s my advice to you.

  1. Find out his fetishes. Is it just spanking, or will you have to dress up like a fluffy white rabbit before he’ll have sex with you? “That’s preposterous!” you may say. But it’s not. If you choose or something similar, be very leery & honest about what you can deal with for the rest of your life.
  2. Be safe. If you decide to meet him, meet in a public place. You have to feel safe, and he should WANT you to feel safe.
  3. Talk about things other than spanking. If you’d like, I’d talk about children, religion, movies, politics, ethics; everything. You want to know everything about this person before you meet him. Don’t waste your time with someone who’s obviously not your type. It’s not worth getting a guy who likes spankings but who you have nothing else in common with.
  4. Don’t feel pushed into sex or spanking until you are ready. I didn’t have sex with James until 8 months after I met him, and we had been living together for four months. (He didn’t believe in sex until marriage, but I wanted to “try it out” before marriage. We compromised and waited until right before we got engaged. Now, I wished we waited until we were married.) Remember, there’s no turning back the clock once the deed has been done. And when it comes to spanking; he should be much more concerned about who you are as a person before he takes you over his knee.
  5. What kind of spanker is he, anyway? Yes, it’s important! Do you want a guy who’s a sadist, or a responsible citizen who enjoys the comfort and consistency of a DD marriage? Or do you just want a guy who enjoys spanking as much as you do? Make the choice, and seek it out.
  6. Don’t overestimate how much you like spanking. Not only do you not want to throw away a good man just because he’s not into spanking—unless you decide that that is very, very important to you—if you’ve never been spanked before, you have to realize that you might not like spanking as much as you think you do! Spanking can hurt. Don’t get a guy who only uses switches if you’ve never been switched, for example. You might be opening Pandora’s Box where you’ll find yourself in a spanking relationship that is way over your level of tolerance. If he’s a keeper, he’ll understand that and adjust to your level.

I can’t tell you precisely where these websites are—but they’re out there, and ABCD webmasters is cooking up something special in the near future that might help. Stay tuned for it.

What’s your #1 BEST advice for finding a good HOH?

DON’T BE TOO PICKY. Don’t think “soul mate” on this one. Soul mate’s don’t exist—think partner. If you have a man “check list” that has 100 items on it, I’d start pairing it down. Your husband probably doesn’t need to know 400 languages and know how to play the piano/guitar/violin. He didn’t need to win the Nobel Peace Prize. He doesn’t need to be a millionaire. He doesn’t need to have blond hair, blue eyes, be 6’5” and have Hugh Jackman’s body. Let’s start being realistic.

You know the spanking stories on Romantic Spankings? They’re awesome, I know, but 99% of those never actually happened. Men aren’t perfect, you’re not perfect, and relationships aren’t perfect. Welcome to the real world.

Hope that advice helped someone!

Alright, stay tuned for tomorrow’s post. I’m itching to tear this new study I just read a new butthole…

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