Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 122 other subscribers

Follow me on Twitter

I like you, the readers, already. I like you because you’re curious, you’re interested, and you’re probably open-minded folk.

You’re either saying “DD for Dummies—that’s great, since I don’t know what DD is!” or you’re saying, “Yawn, but I understand you have to explain yourself before you explain the lifestyle you’re in.” Well, yawners—don’t click off just yet!

Before I get into the “Dummies”, I don’t want you guys to think I’m all DD and no play. I like to think of this site as a sort of “water cooler” about spanking. Which is why I called this site “Spank Notes”, not “Korey’s Guide to DD”. I mention the “water cooler” analogy because I think we can all understand that it’s the place at work, or anywhere, that you linger around when you should be doing other things, waiting for some sort of social encounter, gossip, or information.

Alright, those of you that don’t know what DD is but somehow wandered unbeknownst onto this blog: DD is Domestic Discipline. It’s a cute term people that practice DD like to call a particular lifestyle where a nuclear couple—husband and wife—have put their heads together and designated one of them to have a sort of power over the other. I rarely hear of the wife becoming the HOH—which is the “Head of Household” aka the winner of the power-vote—but I suppose it can happen–especially in this modern world, whether or not that’s a good thing.

The normal DD lifestyle consists of the husband being HOH, and therefore he has the final say. “What,” you may ask, “Does he have ‘final say’ over?” The following list is short, because it names just a few:

Final Say over…

Household rules
    (Including swearing, wearing shoes in the house, informing the other partner when adopting a dangerous pet, etc.)
Household chores
    (Including who changes the kitty litter and how often, who does dishes and how often, who takes in the cat to get vaccinated, etc.)
Household Moves
    (Including moving to Denmark, Antarctica, Mosquito Coast, wherever.)
Couple’s interactions with others
    (Including going on shopping trips with your shopaholic friend, letting a friend talk you into buying a boat, lending large sums of money to a friend, etc.)
    (Including major purchases, credit card bills, determining the payer of the bills, determining how much money needs to be donated and to what charities, etc.)

It’s not that the HOH makes all the rules. Normally a couple can get together and agree on most of them. “Final Say” is just what happens when there’s a 1-to-1 vote, when both arguments have been deliberated, but a decision must be made.

The HOH normally doesn’t get to use the “final say” card as much as you may fear. In fact, a good HOH won’t always choose what he wants—he’ll always try to choose what’s best for his wife and his family. In fact, when either choice is acceptable, it’s optimal for the HOH to do what his wife would prefer most of the time. Being HOH isn’t just about getting what you want, after all.

The HOH, however, enforces the rules. And when he enforces them with discipline of any sort, we call it “Domestic Discipline”. Domestic Discipline has a few different facets. The only thing we don’t support on this blog is ALDD (see below).

  • Domestic Discipline (DD)
        Domestic Discipline is performed by couples that use this lifestyle in hopes of becoming better couples and community members. The HOH chastises his partner to make her a better person by keeping her in line when she messes up. He, in return, tries harder than most to be a good person so that he sets a good example for his wife. Love, of course, is the primary reason behind the DD—love of the partner here implies that you are willing to go out of your way to help your partner become a better, stronger person and community member. To reiterate, the husband does not always force his wife to do what he wants, he only chastises her when her behavior is hurting herself, her community, or her family.
  • Christian Domestic Discipline. (CDD)
        A Christian Domestic Discipline relationship is a DD relationship. The difference here is that both partners are Christian. And thus, the morals that they strive to live by are those set by Christ’s example. This doesn’t mean that the husband is perfect or expects perfection of his wife; it’s just what they strive for.
  • Advanced Loving Domestic Discipline. (ALDD)
        We don’t talk about this one around this water cooler. “Why?” you may ask. “It’s loving discipline, it’s just advanced!” That should be the case, but this term was made by Mr. LovingDiscipline who is obviously a sick, sick, lonely man. It has nothing to do with love, or traditional domestic discipline. He uses the term ‘DD’ extremely loosely, as well as the term ‘loving’. He uses the word “advanced” to reference techniques that would make Marquis De Sade blush. For more information, click this link. It will take you to a very honest book review on what he’s written. ALDD is a deceptive term that REALLY means “Harsh BDSM”. If that’s your thing, and that’s your partner’s thing, have at it! But it sounds horrible to anyone who really takes part in DD or CDD.


A word about SPANKING.

Although you don’t have to necessarily use spanking in a DD relationship, normally you’ll find lots of spanking interest if you go into any DD sources. The two topics are very common bed-fellows, and it’s no different here. I’ve been “into” spanking my entire life.

We’ll be talking about spanking A LOT. In fact, if you like spanking and you don’t like the concept of DD, I’d stick around if I were you because you’ll get a lot of your favorite subject.

I AM IN A CDD RELATIONSHIP. And I love it. I’m not a poor, abused housewife—actually, you won’t believe how spoiled I am. I mean, crap—I’m writing this blog from my house, from my lounge chair, at one o’clock in the afternoon on a Thursday. Because James, my husband, spoils me and doesn’t make me go to a real job. He lets me be a housewife. Spanking is my part-time job, my hobby, my life. It doesn’t pay very well, but then again, I don’t spend very much, so it works out in the end.

You’ll notice I italicized “DD” after the “C”. That’s because I wasn’t very Christian until about two years ago, but I still really wanted to be in a DD relationship. Wanted it since I found out what DD was. I think, personally, when the partners are Christian, the “C” is inherent in DD. In fact, even though I’m not a bible thumper, I think that the morals of most human beings are very similar to Christian morals, so in practice, CDD and DD aren’t that different. And DD is all about using discipline to maintain your morals, your beliefs, and your relationship with your partner.

What does spanking have to do with Jesus?!

Absolutely nothing. I mean, I could read you quotes that allude to men being the HOH and whatever else, but let’s face it—Jesus probably wouldn’t have spanked his wife if he was married. He didn’t have to—he could just talk his wife into being a good person and change her heart with the Holy Spirit.

Regular men aren’t as lucky. Of course, they also aren’t perfect themselves, as Jesus was, so they can’t lead perfectly by example.

They don’t have the Godly power to look into their mates’ souls—or to read their minds (but man, I wish they could!). But that doesn’t make them bad people; it just makes their lives a little bit harder in this sense. They can’t change their wives’ souls, or personalities, but they can help change her behavior.

But why spanking?

Because it’s easiest and least damaging. I mean, they could just ground us and send us to our room—and in some DD relationships, that’s all the man ever does to chastise his wife. Sometimes grounding works, that’s why it’s such a popular parenting technique nowadays! But let’s face it; it normally doesn’t work with adults. I mean, which of us couldn’t use a day or a week inside our room without having to worry about social relationships, TV, research, or the noise and hassle of the outside world? Sounds like a great way to catch up on my cat-naps!

Spanking is quick, efficient, and gets you back to your normal life after around 5 minutes. After which, you can pick up your kids from their soccer practice, cook dinner, go to work, go to your sewing circle, or go to your company softball practice. But you’ve been chastised—you’re in pain for awhile, and you’re probably a bit humiliated—you at least feel silly for getting yourself in that situation in the first place—but you’re less likely to do whatever you did to get a spanking ever again. And, because you’ve “paid the piper”, you don’t have to carry your guilt on your shoulders. Tomorrow is another day!

But isn’t DD inherently sexual?

It wasn’t in the “old days”. I mean, if you were spanked as a child, I’m certain there were no sexual feelings involved—hopefully! But spanking is becoming more and more inherently sexual mostly because spanking is becoming so outlandish and taboo. Not many schools spank anymore; most of my generation has never been spanked or seen a spanking with their own eyes. So people are curious about it, and sometimes good-old-fashioned scholar curiosity turns into sexual fantasy. That’s what’s going on.

People used to spank their wives, too. Often. I mean, half the old westerns you see on TV allude to as much. And you didn’t have to be “Into spanking” to do it. You did it, because how else are you going to direct your woman onto the proper path? Nobody else they knew was doing anything differently.

But I’m “into spanking” and in a DD relationship. I was into spanking before I was “into it” sexually. I was just obsessed with spanking as a little kid—it filled me with great happiness and merriment if I read it in a book, saw it in a movie, heard about it, talked about it. And I’m not too weird—it’s actually really common to find people in the Spanking Community with similar histories.

But am I into it sexually? Yep. I am. Does it ‘turn me on’? Normally. That’s why I write novels about it—just sharing my fantasies with others. Does it mean I LIKE DISCIPLINE SPANKINGS? No. No, and if it does to you, he’s not spanking hard enough. Not unless you’re a masochist, in which case you’re a horse of a different color! And I’ll no doubt be writing a blog about the difference between us soon enough.

Should everyone be in a DD relationship?


In an ideal world, where everyone’s good at heart, and the men in society are good, hard-working people who want to stand out in society in a positive manner and care about their wives more than themselves, then yes.

But unfortunately, that sort of society, where chivalry is revered and men wouldn’t even THINK about hurting their wives physically or emotionally, is dead, if it ever existed. I’ll be blogging about how you know the difference between a good man who deserves to be HOH, and one that doesn’t, so stay tuned. But I’ll just tell you right now that A LOT of people out there are not GOOD people.

What if I have questions about DD and need them answered?

Leave a comment or write me! I would love to answer your questions. I’ve been in the spanking circuit since I was thirteen. I know what’s what. I would love to share my opinions and experiences with anybody. Helps me come up with blog ideas, anyway. My email’s if you want to write me privately.


One Response to DD for Dummies & the “Water Cooler”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *