So, James and I were co-hosting a huge weekend-long bash at Shadowlane, and I have so much to share about everything that’s happened this summer. It’s spankalicious–seriously, I’ve been trudging knee-deep in the spanking community, so keep your ear to the track. Until then, I talk about post-BBW ageplaying with my husband over at Spanking Romance, run by Renee Rose. All those curious about kink exploration, come and join in! 🙂
I know, I know. I’ve gotten emails from y’all and I will reply to each and every one. It’s been a mad-scramble to get everything ready to go to BBW (Boardwalk Badness Weekend) so that we didn’t have to work while we were there… And that tended to be very brilliant because there was only dialup (WTF, right? I didn’t even know dialup still was around! Ah, well) at the hotel and the 3 Starbucks we tried in Atlantic City were internet no-gos. So I apologize, but not that much. My hands, as they say, were tied.
Back to the fun stuff: bragging about the spanking party YOU GUYS didn’t get to go to. 🙂 I plan to make you green with envy, so watch out.
First of all, it was the best weekend ever. I still haven’t come “down” from how amazing of a weekend it was. From Thursday morning until we caught the plane on Monday, it was non-stop joy, spanking style. There was even a “Strap of Joy”, as Pandora Blake called it, but I digress.
BBW was amazing, and this is coming from someone who normally doesn’t come out from under her rock. I’m an agoraphobic, admittedly. I don’t ‘party’… Normally. But there was something about the whole thing that made me party my ass off. I think spankings have to be involved for me to rock. It wasn’t my first spanking party (it was my third), but I think I have to say it was my favorite. I loved meeting up with all my old friends while adding so, SO many new ones. It was so well organized, the energy everywhere was intoxicating, and there was so much to do that boredom was impossible.
And there were so many hot guys at this party you could get a crick in your neck from all the head-spinning you’d be doing just to check them out. It doesn’t matter the age, there were just so many attractive people–men and women–that it made me a little giddy.
Many of you, my lovlies, haven’t even heard of a spanking party because I haven’t announced I was going much except in passing. Let me break it down for you.
Spankings everywhere, all the time. I have a LOT of voyeuristic tendencies, so there was so much eye-candy I swear my brain got a cavity. Strappings, canings, otks, some in private, some out in the open in the middle of the ballrooms, some in hallways of hotel rooms. Girls acting like brats. guys acting like they could fix the brattiness, and good times had by all. In the day you go to dinners and activities and all sorts of goofy events to spank or get spanked as much as possible or just meet a ton of new friends, and then at night you go upstairs and party with them in whole floors of hotel rooms that the hotel sectioned off for us. You go into one hotel room, then out and into another, chatting, eating, dancing, goofing around, and of course, getting spanked…. Or seeing it. You watch it everywhere–amazing panties, bare bottoms, and of course, so many implements I could talk about them all day.
And you know what the best thing was?
Even if you’re just having a conversation and chilling out, you’re having the conversation with another spanko. Do you know what that’s like? Being excepted already about your deepest, darkest secret before you even form a friendship with that person? Knowing they struggled to hide it like you did, that they used to look up spanking in the dictionary when they were kids, too, that there’s something about it that makes our little brains obsessed by it, etc… It’s relieving, actually, to know that there’s so many people like yourself out there and to be surrounded by them. This party had over 240 people in attendance. Holy moly… It was like being in a huge 4-day-long frat party, where you’re a card-carrying member to a secret club. Nowhere else can a spanko be so truly accepted.
I don’t have any pictures, which sucks because I so wish I could show you what was going on. BUT not having pictures speaks for itself–you don’t have to worry at these things. The BBW organizers were absolutely amazing about jumping in there like rule-ninjas whenever someone was taking out a camera in a main room. You can go to these things and feel 100% safe about your identity staying perfectly secret.
Memories were made. James gave me a discipline spanking in our room with about 10 observers at one point. I think when I look back on it in a few weeks–without blushing uncontrollably at how many people saw my full nakie-ness and how many people could see my embarrassment and exposure–I think I will consider that as really, really hot. 😉 It’ll be one of those awesome things I’ll be looking back and blushing about until I’m in my eighties!
There were so many friends there–some I’d met before, and some not–and I feel so strongly about them right now I feel my heart might give birth to a fuzzy bunny rabbit or something. I can’t describe how amazing these people are. And playing with them–some I got to ‘play’ with a few times–was no less than a privilege. I felt like a kid in a candy shop.
God, except the internet, I can’t think of anything to complain about. It’s weird… I love to complain, so not being able to bitch and moan about something is saying a lot. Oh! I thought about something! I didn’t get into the schoolgirl’s party–they capped it at 14 girls or something and I didn’t even come close to getting my name on the list in time. Urggh. I wanted to go so bad! Grrr!
One thing I need to work on–my tolerance. It’s so weird–there are parts on my body that are sooo resilient to pain. Not my ass, though. My ass is extremely sensitive to touch. Poor Mike Tanner had to spank me like a 10 year old child (he was so nice because when he’s spanking regular, it’s like–wow. It can stir up stomach butterflies big-time) with his strop and still I whined up a storm (don’t get me wrong, it was totally fun and I would have been so sorry if I’d missed it. I’m just a whiny person). If there was a wimp-award I would have won it. Other girls were taking it like pros, full force, and coming back for more. I wish I could have played four times as much as I did, at least.
Anyway, folks–I’ll brag more later. I have 2 books to complete by June 21st somehow, and unless I get a fearie godmother soon, that means it’ll have to be me. I’m also the correspondent for the Cherry Red Report on this party so I’ll go into even more specifics about this party’s particular flavor of awesomeness. 🙂
You like to read spanking stories; if you’re here, that’s pretty much a given. But there’s no way I can know if you’ve ever experienced a spanking, live in a spanking household, or if it’s simply a fantasy for you to indulge in now and then. I can’t know what gives you the warm fuzzies or maybe the willies.
One thing that sometimes makes a reader go hmmmm, is the tool used for the spanking in the book. Many authors – myself included – try to change up the implements from one spanking to another. There’s nothing so perfect as the tried-and-true male palm against a turned-up fanny, but variety adds a level of fun and fantasy. Are these tools ever used in reality?
Yes! Let’s take wooden spoons, for example. Nearly every household with a kitchen has a wooden spoon. Have you ever had your fingers swatted while your mother or significant other was stirring something? Imagine that on your bottom. Ouch.
Spatulas are also handy. Though I don’t use the metal kind in my books (I’d be concerned about possible cuts), I do include spanking scenes with silicone spatulas and wooden spatulas. They make a particular unmistakable thunk sound. If you’re not ready to experience it on your tush, then try it on your palm. You’ll hear what I mean.
Household implements are key ingredients in spanking stories, and they’re not limited to kitchen items. I wrote a scene where a hero looks around a guestroom in his father’s home and spies a long-handled plastic shoehorn. I didn’t make this up out of thin air, either. I actually saw it in a doctor’s office, innocently leaning against a doorjamb – all eighteen inches of it! It made a great and different spanking tool in the book. Have I ever experienced it myself? No. It didn’t seem appropriate to try it out in the exam room at the doctor’s office. But it was different and fun and had my imagination going.
Which leads me to the notion of reality in fiction. Do real people use spatulas, leather-soled slippers, spoons, and leather bag straps to spank the person they care about? Based on my own experience, and many conversations with other spanking authors and persons involved in Domestic Discipline relationships, I’d have to say yes. Although we all crave the intimacy of the hard palm, there is something deliciously scary when you first see his belt being removed from its loops, or his hand grasping that soft-leather-soled slipper and heading toward you! It’s the kind of scary you get with roller coaster rides; you know you’re safe, but this might be the one-in-a-million chance you’ll be tossed out of the car. Or, in this case, spanked until you’re black and blue. No one wants injury, but you have to have a lot of trust to submit to a spanking that isn’t a hand spanking. And yet, people do it all the time.
When you’re reading spanking books, do you think about how you’d personally be affected by the use of an implement? Would it be scarier? Would it be more titillating? Would you run screaming from the room? Are there any creative spanking implements you’ve thought about but never read about? Do tell; you might find them in my next book!
Thank you, Korey, for having me here today. It’s a pleasure to work with someone as professional and friendly as you.
My latest release is Journey’s End. It’s the final pre-planned book in the Journey series, although I reserve the right to add to the series as I have with an Easter story and a Valentine’s novella.
Here’s the blurb for Journey’s End:
Well-loved housekeeper and substitute mama, Consuelo, is hospitalized in this sixth of the Journey family books. The Journey family is torn up about it, especially Leo Journey, patriarch of the clan.
Leo’s extreme upset trickles through the family, and causes a rift between his eldest son Ace and him, that has everyone worried about the fate of Journey’s End, the family ranch. All the siblings rally around to try to fix this breach and get Journey’s End and Ace and Leo back on track. They can’t help wondering why Leo is so much more emotional than they’ve seen since their mother died some twenty years before.
Throughout it all, the Journey siblings and their mates share the deep love and affection that is so much a part of the Journey way of living. And, somehow, there’s always someone needing a good, hard spanking, often followed by good, hard loving.
Join the Journeys for this series conclusion. Find out what happens at Journey’s End.
Have you ever heard a really classic mantra? One that is not fact, but said so often that the reciter of this mantra apparently thinks it’s factual. Mostly because the mantra itself has one fact depending on another “fact”. Eventually, what they’re saying even sounds–in a messed-up way–logical. Just because they’re putting these “facts” into a classic logic format.
My favorite all-time mantra is from “Idiocracy”, where a man wakes up in the future and realizes that humans are dying out from their own stupidity. They’re wondering why they can’t get plants to grow and the main character realizes that they’re watering the plants with an energy drink called “Brawndo”, and not water. When he asks why, they say, “Because it has electrolytes, which what plants crave.”
When he asks if they know what electrolytes are, they say, “Electrolytes are what plants crave.”
Admittedly, I don’t understand science myself. That’s why I married a scientist—so things could be dumbed down for me. What I do understand, however, is people’s tendency to spout bullshit, just to have something clever to say.
I get spanked for reciting mantras all the time. James has this funny rule about not saying anything that I haven’t learned myself from a credible source.
When it comes to what women want, though, I’m one of the professionals. Knowing what women want is sort of my job. I have never applied to the Steve Jobs rule of, “People don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” No, with publishing, they know what they want. You just have to put it in front of them so they can finally have it. With women, it’s spanking books. A lot of women didn’t know they existed until 50 Shades came out.
Now why do women want spanking books?
THIS is the question that has sprung up more mantras than anything has since Galileo looked into his microscope and discovered something very inconvenient.
My opinion is that women want spanking books for a more “clean” purpose than is widely belivieved, but there’s a few mantras out there that make that opinion–based on fact–as completely incredible.
One of my favorite mantras that go against my argument sounds something like this: “Spanking is inherently sexual, since women can’t possibly want it in a non-sexual way. Hence, anything that promotes adult spanking is porn, since porn is about all things sexual…”
Thank you, Logics Class, for that shining example of Fact A + Fact B = Fact C = Fact B + Fact D.
None of those facts can hold up, though, so it’s really sad that Fact C is so acceptable in modern society.
SO acceptable, in fact, that I have been chewed out by my mother-in-law and others for toting “Pornography” to poor unsuspecting women by selling any sort of book that contains an adult man spanking an adult woman. Don’t get me wrong–I love my mother-in-law. She’s really amazing and the fact that she knows that we sell spanking fiction and live a DD lifestyle and still talks to us is more than many can boast. But still, she has her opinions… And she fears I might be leading you all to hell by creating you all as sexual deviants through spanking.
The lecture goes something like this:
MIL: I just don’t want you to lead women down a bad path by selling books that have sexual content, thereby making them lust. Lust is wrong. Bible says so.
KOREY: Actually Ma, He says not to covet. The only time where he says it’s wrong to lust was when one man tried to take another man’s wife. I’m not telling women in covet, I just put spankings in books. Sex doesn’t even have to be involved. Some of our books our non-sexual but they just contain some discipline scenes.
MIL: Which they’re taking in a sexual way, of course!
Note that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with women reading erotica—not at all! I think it’s the best thing in the world for a woman to charge herself up and bring it back to their husband. Not the point I’m making TODAY, though.
KOREY: Some people, yeah. But some of them actually just like the romance build up between a dominant man and a woman’s journey in getting herself to submit to him.
MIL: Which is sexual. Which is porn. You’re toting porn!
KOREY: Sigh. So you think it’s wrong for a man to spank a woman?
MIL: Yes, because it’s always sexual.
KOREY: Do you think it’s wrong to submit to your husband?
MIL: No. Jesus tells women to submit to their husbands.
KOREY: Okay, so if a woman is going to drive drunk, and the man tells her not to…
MIL: Well, she shouldn’t drive drunk, anyway.
KOREY: Let’s just say we’re living in a non-perfect world where a woman won’t give the man her keys. Do you think she should just obey her husband’s order, especially since it’s for her own safety?
MIL: Well, yes.
KOREY: And what if she doesn’t want to? Even if she could get in an accident and hurt both of them—at least monetarily?
MIL: Then she’s a bad wife.
KOREY: And so they should divorce?
MIL: No. Divorce is a sin.
KOREY: So what should he do? Since when people are married one can make bad desions that effect both parties?
MIL: Reason with her.
KOREY: And if she still doesn’t want to obey him? She’s drunk, you know!
MIL: He should keep reasoning.
KOREY: And if he fails, she gets behind the wheel and kills a couple of school kids.
MIL: He should just force the keys out of her hand.
KOREY: Like wrestle them away? What if he breaks her arm or something when she’s trying to keep the keys?
MIL: That’s her own fault.
KOREY: So you think his accidentally breaking something is better than him ON PURPOSELY causing her non-lasting, non-harmful discomfort?
KOREY: So spanking might be okay in this situation.
KOREY: So somebody writes this situation down…
MIL: Then it’s porn.
KOREY: Because the reader is sexually stimulated when reading it?
KOREY: Who says? There’s nothing sexual going on here. Just a man taking the keys away from his ridiculous wife.
MIL: Because spanking is sexual. <– THE MANTRA AGAIN.
KOREY: But we just went over this! The situation’s not sexual. It’s a man forcing his wife to obey him!
MIL: Yes, but when it’s written down, someone might read it sexually, making it porn.
KOREY: Some people are turned on by a woman’s SHOES. Say I write about a woman taking off her shoes and her husband massages her feet. Should that be read as porn? Some people are gonna read into that…
MIL: Don’t be ridiculous. Who would want to read about spanking in a non-sexual way?
KOREY: So as long as I don’t put sex in the book, it’s okay?
MIL: No, because you’re putting spanking in the book, and spanking is sexual, and sexual activity is porn. (If they don’t use the mantra three times in an argument, the mantra is not living up to its potential.)
KOREY: Oh, no. I suddenly have a migraine…
Let’s face it—the only reason spanking has been so sexualized is because it’s so taboo. The only reason it’s taboo is because the feminist movement has made it Taboo… RECENTLY. They want women and men to be on equal footing where one is NEVER ahead of the other, and marriage is more like a roommate situation than a romantic relationship. Everyone can do what they want without telling the other what they can and cannot do.
What’s interesting is there’s a generational gap in place, here. I’m talking and arguing to the generation that created the feminist movement, when I am from the generation out to swing the pendulum the other way. More of my generation is interested in having a dominant male than theirs.
“As it happens, the prevailing stereotype of the Fifty Shades of Grey reader, distilled in the condescending term “mommy porn,” as an older, suburban, possibly Midwestern woman isn’t entirely accurate: according to the publisher’s data, gleaned from Facebook, Google searches, and fan sites, more than half the women reading the book are in their 20s and 30s, and far more urban and blue state than the rampant caricature of them suggests.” –Newsweek, Working Women’s Fantasies, April 16, 2012 by Katie Roiphe
MY generation, Generation X and Y, know that roommate-esque relationship is on-its-head farcicle and has translated to arguments which then have resulted divorces—I barely know anyone whose parents made it through the 90s.
Because of this, I think women of my generation are beginning to pull back the pendulum. We know what we want—a man that’s more responsible than we are.
“It is intriguing that huge numbers of women are eagerly consuming myriad and disparate fantasies of submission at a moment when women are ascendant in the workplace, when they make up almost 60 percent of college students, when they are close to surpassing men as breadwinners, with four in 10 working women now outearning their husbands, when the majority of women under 30 are having and supporting children on their own, a moment when—in hard economic terms—women are less dependent or subjugated than before.
It is probably no coincidence that, as more books like The Richer Sex by Liza Mundy and Hanna Rosin’s forthcoming The End of Men appear, there is a renewed popular interest in the stylized theater of female powerlessness. This is not to mention a spate of articles on choosing not to be married or the steep rise in young women choosing single motherhood. We may then be especially drawn to this particular romanticized, erotically charged, semipornographic idea of female submission at a moment in history when male dominance is shakier than it has ever been.” – Katie Raiphe, 2012
I recall sitting across the table from my friend who wanted a relationship with a man who would spank her, but mostly because she said, “I’d only let him spank me if he was more responsible than me… I want someone more responsible, not less.” She had been married already, even though she was only my age, and she said that her husband, while nice, acted like a child she had to take care of. “At work,” she said, “I like being in-charge. I like them to depend on me. At home, I’d rather have someone to depend on.”
In short, I don’t think it’s sexual fantasies that’s keeping people reading these male-dominant spanking books. It’s just fantasies in general! These girls are so tired of reality, they’re over burdened by responsibility. They’re not fantasizing about hot sex, they’re fantasizing about a FIRM HUSBAND.
Case in point—An Unexpected Husband by Constance Masters is doing great in sales and we don’t think it’s even come close to meeting its peak. It doesn’t contain heavy sexual overtones, really—it’s just about a man who gets a woman pregnant and demands to marry her and be the father. THAT is what my generation fantasizes about… A man who not only CAN be depended upon, but who DEMANDS to be, who wants that responsibility.
Women are fantasizing about a lifestyle, a type of man. I think 50 Shades is just touching on that desire; it’s the tip of an iceberg and talking about sexual desires, in this point of time, is easier than saying, “No… I like dominant men.” Especially after we’ve emasculated so many men than dominant men are hard to come by.
Anyway—that’s just some of my thoughts. But I’m nowhere done with this rant.
Missing out on the spanking party… 🙁
I had a great time at TASSP enough that I wanted to make it my goal to check out every and all spanking parties. Especially the big ones. UNFORTUNATELY, life is tough. With tying up loose ends at Blushing Books before I go, with starting a new publishing company for myself and James… we’re booked! I can’t even tell you how many times we smacked our foreheads this weekend and said, “Thank God we decided not to go to Shadow Lane!” Shadow Lane is the largest spanking party in America, thrown at Las Vegas every year for the last 21 years.
We heard it’s the best time ever, too! But imagining ourselves trying to find time to go seemed nightmarish at best. James couldn’t even get time off his day-job to do it, I would have had to go myself… And to fill you in with TMI, on top of everything–nature has scheduled something with me this weekend that’s not cool with Spanking Parties. So nah. Nope, not this year, next year.
Because although it was a relief when we decided to take a pass this year, we felt bad that we weren’t going. We ENJOY spanking parties–A LOT (you can even read about it here in a blog I did in June at the Cherry Red Report: http://www.cherryredreport.com/2012/07/04/texas-spanking-party/).
What do we love?
Meeting people like us? Absolutely. Meeting new friends, seeing old ones again… Definitely. We can’t say we don’t love talking with people that have the same interests. There, you can meet friends on a level you never have before. You don’t have to HIDE anything. And spankos spend a lot of their lives in-the-closet with everyone they know. James and I doubly so because it’s what we do for a living. We lie our FACES off to our closest friends about what we do. We’re so vague with them they have to think we’re secret agents or something by now. With these people–what the hell are we going to hide? They know our deepest secrets already! Now, we can just enjoy each other at face-value. I can talk about work, James and I can even say how we met (on the chatrooms of Spanking Internet).
But more than anything… James and I are exhibitionists.
We didn’t know that’s what we were, not at first. But James LOVES embarrassing me in public with punishments, and this is the only time he can do it.
For example–when we were at Crimson Moon, one of the highlights of the party was when we were hanging out with friends and I was “being snippy” with him (Hello? I was working, and he was asking all these questions!) and so he had me stand in front of him–a mere foot around a friend of mine, Vince, who was with his at-the-time girlfriend giving her a play-spanking. James pulled down my panties and had me pull up my skirt in front of my friends (and there was more than just that couple)… All the way around. So everyone could see my… you know… vagina… while James was lecturing me. Of course, my face was beat-red enough for someone to mention it, and Vince stopped spanking for a second, he and his girlfriend fixated. “Wow. I’m embarrassed on her behalf!” Vince yupped, but he didn’t turn his eyes away. I wanted to melt into the floor. James continued lecturing me until I was finally pulled across his knee–which as exposed as I was, I was perfectly happy to have his lap to cover up my front–and he began spanking me about 10x harder than Vince was spanking HIS girlfriend.
But really, I’m no different than James. I like sucking up the attention–the GOOD attention–from men when they take me across their knees for a spanking while James watches on in an approving way. More than anything on the planet, I like watching JAMES spank OTHER girls. Muahaha!
And since we were letting friends stay in a room with us at Crimson Moon, we were only seperated from them by a partition… And James and I had sex behind it while they were in the room. They couldn’t see us, but I imagine the sounds were unmistakable. I REALLY enjoyed it. Not often can I orgasm without just the penis alone–normally there needs to be more stimulation than that. Not this time. The naughtiness that abounded was such a turn-on that I was orgasming in moments. Now, would we have had sex with other friends in the room (the non-spanking variety)? Hell, no. We don’t even tell sex-jokes with our everyday friends. Our conversations are very PG. But this gave us a way to break out. Be naughty, try new things…
And so, while our friends have had a blast at Shadow Lane all weekend, we really missed out, and we’re feeling it. Nothing to have been done for it–it had to be missed. But spanking parties only happen a couple of times a year… And we missed our oppertunity. Next year, Shadow Lane. NEXT YEAR, the Johnsons are a’commin’!
What? This is going to come in VOLUMES? Are you kidding?
No. There’s a lot I have to say on the issue! I write romance novels, so I like I know how I write spanking scenes. But I’m also in a DD relationship, so I know how to take spanking scenes. And they’re different. You can’t read a story and think that’s just the way you actually spank someone, and the more you read the more you’re going to do it right.
In a lot of ways, spanking is like exercising. You can’t read yourself thin. You got to get on that treadmill and do it over and over and over again until your thighs stop rubbing together when you walk. Spanking is much the same way: you can’t become a good disciplinarian by reading about it.
Are you seriously writing to tell your audience that you shouldn’t be reading about all of this?
Well, I like to think I’m an information wizard, but I’m also a realist. I’m just here to INFORM you about the REALITY of the situation.
Lesson Number One: Over the Knee Spankings
Is the chair for sitting or for spanking?
It normally doesn’t look like this. Not discipline spankings. In fact—my mind cannot fathom what situation is going on here.
Over the knee spankings make a lot of sense, on the whole: you can put your leg over the woman’s to keep her legs from kicking all around at you, you can pin her hands back from covering herself, and you have your spanking hand wide open to accomplish its purposes.
Over the chair can get sort of… Hard. In writings, you see this all the time. Romanticspankings.com, for example, has a story called “The Spanking Chair”. I’d say 95% of spankings within erotic literature have the man giving the woman a spanking over the knee as he sits on the chair. I did it in my own, story, for god sakes! Pursuit of Glory has several chair spankings in it, which I admit doesn’t depict any of the downsides of chair spankings.
The Downsides of Chair Spankings
1. It’s hard to position the bottom right in the middle of your lap.
You’ll find there are ribs and all sort of things in your way. You’ll think “Wow.. My lap is wide!” Because it is. It’s not some sort of bar she’s leaning over—her mid-thigh to her chest area will be resting on two knees, and all of her weight will be on your knees. It might be tough on you, even, to support that sort of weight.
2. You really can’t hold her legs down that well, causing you to lose control.
If you try to pin her legs with one of yours, that means your other knee will be driving into her stomach, since there’s nothing else supporting her weight.
3. Blood will start quickly flowing into the face of the spankee.
Gravity. What are you gonna do? But seriously, if her face is lower than the rest of her body, that’s where all the blood’s gonna go, and it’s not pleasant. I’m sure there’s some countries that hang people upside down as a torture.
4. The spankee will find difficulty breathing.
This is mainly because most of your body weight is on his lap, going through your stomach area. It’s not impossible to breath, but you can’t breathe deeply. A knee’s jamming into your stomach, for crying out loud! However, this will probably take you mind off the pain a bit…
5. You can’t hold the spankee’s arms back, or else she will have even more difficulty breathing.
Your spankee needs her hands free to be able to put them on the floor to support her body weight. She might alternate hands to keep one on her butt and away from your hand, but she’s really going to need both of them to be free, or else her arms may wear out quickly.
Let me illustrate my point with some examples, may I?
This isn’t quite the same thing, is it? Because it’s a sofa-thing, not a chair thing. But it’s an AWESOME piece of furniture. I like it.
But I think you get my point, though, folks. Just because it works in your mind doesn’t mean it’s that easy to do in practice. Supportive/negative commentary, anyone? People need to know the facts about this position.
Sorry I haven’t written in awhile—for some reason, Spring has always been my busiest time of year. Mostly because it’s the only time you can actually get out and do things in Austin. Like painting the house and doing yard work, home construction projects, and all the other things that make me sick.
I’ve been in Albuquerque as well—as my husband could easily get a job there with the sort of research he does. Let me tell you all—that was an emotional rollercoaster for us. The first couple of days we were there, he went to meetings that he didn’t enjoy, and we decided to drive around in the crappiest part of town. We also don’t like Adobe or Pueblo-style houses. At first, we thought it was ugly. By the way—Sante Fe is REALLY ugly if you don’t like Pueblo-style houses. Don’t even go there if that’s the case. It’s like the whole city was built on a theme. To me, it looked like an Afghan refugee camp. Yet, everyone I’ve ever known that’s gone there thinks it’s “gorgeous”.
But, by the end of the trip, we decided we liked Albuquerque. We found some normal houses, areas that we wouldn’t mind living, we bought a condo as an investment, too—that was an odd turn—but we had an enjoyable time.
SO…. ANYTHING ABOUT SPANKINGS, KOREY? OR ALL YOU GOING TO JIBBER-JABBER ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE?
I never know how much of my real-life I’m supposed to put in this blog. So work with me while I find the balance. My husband thinks that you guys might actually give a hoot about my real life, but I tend to think you just like the stuff about spankings. So we’ll do some tests and see, shall we?
THE SPANKING CONVENTION
I would love to hear about the spanking party that was held in Dallas on the 30th-31st. I wanted to go. I was even in Dallas at the time (for my sister-in-law’s B-day party)—but because of my reason for being there, I had to miss it. ABCD Webmasters, the company I work for, had a table there in the vendor’s fair, with catalogs and videos and everything else. I would have loved to run the vendor’s fair. Hopefully next year Bethany will ask me to do it.
My real question is what the hell happens at spanking parties? I would love someone to do a write-up commentary about one. I’m full of questions and curiosity about such events. I would love to go, too—my only rule is…
KOREY’S RULE #1: KOREY WILL EVER ONLY BE SPANKED BY HER HUSBAND.
Not that the other thought isn’t fun and kinky—I write stories where people other than the heroine get spanked. But I feel that James and I have an intimacy through spankings that I would par near sex. I wouldn’t have sex with anyone else, so I wouldn’t want to be spanked by anyone else. Now, my knowledge about parties concerns me since I don’t know if I’m supposed to be pulled unexpectantly over someone’s knee. I don’t know. Next year, I’ll be giving a full report.
Either way, the vendor’s fair sounds absolutely awesome. I’m a spanking salesman at heart.
ANY SPANKINGS DURING YOUR THOUGHTLESS HIATUS?
Oh, God. Do I! I’m writing it up right now. It’s going to be long, and will be posted in the next couple of days! Stay tuned!
I’m glad to finally shed some light on the difference between those of us who consider themselves “Spankos” and those that consider themselves sadists or masochists. The average public will normally refuse to see the line drawn between these. They’re confused, and think there’s no difference between the types.
Why is everyone so confused about the differences between spankos and sadomasochists?
Well, a lot of spankos and sadomasochists don’t know the difference between each other. So don’t give the public such a hard time. There are spankos that ARE sadomasochists, and vice-versa. Still, spankos aren’t completely absorbed into the sadomasochist group—they are not merely a “subgenre”.
What are a sadist and a masochist?
Here’s my advice to make this subject less confusing. Never use Wikipedia—it’s going to tell you these definitions: Ol’ Wiki says: Sadism refers to sexual or non-sexual gratification in the infliction of pain or humiliation upon another person. Masochism refers to sexual or non-sexual gratification from receiving the infliction of pain or humiliation.
I think if you were going to use this passage to define a sadomasochist, then we were all a sadist at one point or the other, that’s for sure. I mean, who hasn’t wanted your rival to be humiliated? Haven’t you ever wanted to punch someone in the face? Wouldn’t that make you feel “gratified”?
I’m not saying this is the clinical term—this is just where spankos tend to draw the line: Sadists are people who enjoy watching other people suffer.
Some of them spank—and they tend to be really cruel spankers too. But they do not represent anywhere NEAR the majority of spankos, and certainly not
anyone who practices an appropriate DD relationship. There’s an element of control that normally goes on—normally spankers like being in control and spankees like having them in control. But DD folk don’t like seeing the other one suffer—their ultimate goal is to make their partner stronger and happier.
Masochists are people that enjoy pain. Normally there’s specific types, but where the line is drawn again is people that get sexual gratification—or just plain like—pain and humiliation by itself. It turns them on. I’ve heard of masochists getting turned on from the pain from their braces. I’ve also heard of a condition where the pleasure center in most masochists’ brain actually becomes extremely active while enduring pain. It’s sort of an interesting physical disorder.
By the way, I’m not talking about the self-defacing masochists that simply make their lives a living hell because their psychological state has trouble whenever they feel happy. Yes, they’re out there. And there might be a spanko or two in the crowd, but there’s always a few weirdos.
Okay—then what gratifies a spanker if not causing pain and what gratifies a spankee if it’s not receiving pain?
Not all spankos include all of their reasons, but there are different strokes for different folks that don’t include the aspect of suffering, or the physical elation that occurs in some during pain.
The feeling of excitement and nervousness pre-spanking
Watching a bare bottom squirm/wiggle
The tingling of swollen skin on the bottom during/after spanking
Watching a bottom turn pink
Watching a woman blush
The release of bottled-up emotions through crying and pain
Having dominance over their partner
Sexually arousing their partner with their bottoms
Feeling Control of their & their partner’s situation
Feeling more in control of their situation by giving control
The level of trust they are given by their partner
The closeness they feel with their disciplinarian
I know I’m missing a 1000+ reasons. Why are YOU a spanko? Write a comment and let us know!
Last blog, I promised to tear a new one for an article that was published by ABC news last February, called, “Study: Spanking May Lead to Sexual Problems Later“. And I will. I want to debunk the whole myth about where Spankos come from and how they come to be.
It’s not an exact science. Actually, I would be really surprised if you got the same history of a Spanko twice. We all came to being in such different ways! So, sorry, if you’re reading this for what you should and should not do with your children that would keep them from becoming spankos, then you’re done with this blog entry. I was into spanking since I can remember, same with my husband. Others I’ve met started getting into it when they were in their teens, some as adults!
Some spankos were spanked as kids, some weren’t. In fact, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most weren’t spanked as children. I rarely meet a spanko that was spanked growing up. I certainly wasn’t. My husband was a few times.
A thing I must address about this article in particular is this sentence—this is something that grinds my gears:
Alright—read the paragraph, and read the lettering in blue. Are they serious? Are they seriously lining spanking up with slapping, hitting, and THROWING OBJECTS AT CHILDREN? Yeah, that might screw me up, too, if my parents did that to me. My mother is an occupational therapist in a mental ward, so I know a lot about the histories of a lot of psychological disorders. I know for a fact that most of the people that have these disorders have had trauma in their younger life, including being beaten by their parents.
Of course, I’m not including spanking as “beating”. I’m not going to go into whether using corporal punishment on children is wrong or right—but beating? Beating your kid is always wrong. Throwing things at them is always wrong. Slapping anywhere other than the butt is always wrong. The appropriateness of spanking, though, is an actual argument—and I’m not going to argue this here.
All I can say is that people that take part in domestic discipline are always horrified and dismayed by people that go on ahead and throw spanking in the same pool as hitting and throwing things at someone. Physical abuse, in short. Most of the people in the lifestyle are not trying to throw out their anger on someone, or hurt the person they love. DD folks feel what they’re doing isn’t controlling someone; it’s helping that person control themselves.
This is why they say that spanking leads to spankos: because it has something to do with how the child processes the punishment.
“They may internalize that to mean that in loving relationships sometimes there’s pain or physical aggression,” she says. Another possible lesson is that “whoever is stronger and has more power can overpower the other person and use physical aggression to control the other person’s behavior.”
Sigh. I think they’re getting the desire of spankos mixed up with bullies. Not all spankos are bullies. Bullying is not what gets most of us off, I assure you. A lot of spankos are in it for different reasons. Some like just the site of a naked ass. Some people like the sight of a pink ass. Simplistic, maybe. But honest. Others get off of the humiliation portion of a spanking—the reducing a person to a childlike state through making them feel vulnerable, and then helping them recollect themselves again. Some people are into spanking because they think it’s emotionally releasing.
I’m not going to bore you by ranting—I think most of you reading this article have been exasperated by similar assumptions and judgments. But it’s really my belief that it’s all a misunderstanding. I think these people need to be better informed.
I think most people’s problem is they don’t know our motivations—our inner selves. They don’t know what makes us tick, so they have to assume. And you know what they say when you assume.
A lot of the confusion that makes spankos seem so ludicrous to the vanilla crowed is from people not being able to decipher between masochists and spankos. Well, in my next blog, we’re going to be spelling it out. So stay tuned.