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new_table_blueWelcome to the Round Table. I’ve lurked around the last couple, so I was happy to join in this time. Spanking Romance (a promotional site run by Renee Rose and funded by Blushing Books) sets it up, and each time it’s hosted by a different member of the community who keeps us on track and thinks of the discussion questions. It’s not easy, so I want to thank this Round Table’s hostess, Corinne Alexander upfront for doing an amazing job. She invited me personally, and I really thank her for reaching out to me and helping me get the guts to join this one, since I need an extra kick in the ass.

This round table discussion is about DD. Being in a DD relationship for 6 years has made me really excited about this issue and so interested in what the others will have to say. Remember, I write purely based on my own experiences, which have led to my current opinions and insights. All my opinions might be changed tomorrow, but my experiences won’t.

Experience has been a real eye-opener. See, when I was a preteen, I found out about DD and started to fantasize about it. Based on those fantasies, I decided that it was the type of relationship and lifestyle I wanted. I think I fantasized it to be the easiest lifestyle in the world, one that would make my life fall happily into place once it was implemented. My husband would conquer and tame me, we would never fight, and he would always be right, and I’d enjoy my punishments far more than I should.

That fantasy actually held strong for nearly ten years—in my defense, I lived very free from DDers or the kinkster community. I lived, and went to college in, Vanilla-ville, and certainly never brought up the topic with any of my friends.

My friends would have to be told what DD was before they could begin with their objections. And they would object. When I eventually told them about it, they wondered why on earth I’d fantasize about abuse (which was all DD was in their minds), eventually concluding that I was just extremely sexually depraved. Even today some of them still seem to think that James brainwashed me, even though they know I found him after I talked to them about it.

You see, when many vanillas look upon DD in terms of a long-term lifestyle, they see only potential negative consequences. Here’s what they’ll probably think the participants’ lives and roles in the relationship will look like in the future:

Head of Household (Top, Husband)

  • Can’t lose an argument. He’s always right.
  • Will get whatever he wants whenever he wants it—his wife is on his schedule.
  • Gets to make all the decisions, or at least the really big ones, without worrying about the wants/needs of his partner.
  • Has a way to smack someone around when having a bad day.

Submissive (Bottom, Wife)

  • Can’t get anything she wants.
  • Won’t get to make any decisions for herself or her family.
  • Her children or friends won’t be able to respect her when she’s simpering in front of her husband.
  • She won’t be able to have a career because her own career won’t influence any decisions made by her husband.
  • Loses her individuality and self-worth.
  • Thinks that everything is her fault and that she can’t do, nor does she deserve, better.

I totally understood why my friends were concerned, I just figured that they were 100% wrong and didn’t know what they were talking about—that I had the right of it. Later on, after meeting a lot of kinksters and those who want a DD relationship, I discovered that I wasn’t alone in my hopes, dreams, and beliefs surrounding the lifestyle. I think even in the community of people who know about DD, and who want to be in a similar relationship, many people think that DD has more power to change their lives than it does.

  • Vitruvian-SpankerMy husband was never going to make mistakes.
  • My husband was going to be taller than me by at least a foot, outweigh me by at least fifty pounds (of pure, solid muscle), and was going to be about ten times stronger. He was going to be super-smart, well-to-do, a natural leader. Even other men would be naturally submissive to him. I wouldn’t be able to fight him off when it came time for a spanking, and he would be strong enough to make me bend to his physical prowess.
  • My husband was going to be extremely disciplined himself in every aspect of life.
  • My husband would spank me only for life-endangering problems, unthoughtful pranks and hijinks, tantrums, and generally just going insane after my quarter-life crises during which I’d become less like myself and more like I-Love-Lucy.
  • My husband would never force me to do a chore if I was too tired.
  • My husband would never do anything to cause me worry or concern.
  • I was going to learn 5 languages, advanced art, lose more weight, eat better, live a healthier lifestyle, never lose any personal items again, never run out of gas in my car, and never forget to do anything for anyone, all to avoid a spanking.
  • That I was going to advance in my career quickly, since I couldn’t make any major mistake with my safety-net—err, I mean husband—there with “encouragement” and advice.
  • I would actually like spanking—he would know it, I would know it, so I would try to be as naughty as I could without him ever giving up “hope” on taming me with spanking.
  • He could make me cry without making me feel serious pain, getting an emotional change/reaction without any unpleasantness.
  • I wouldn’t have to ask him for a spanking… That might be so awkward and embarrassing! No, he’ll just spank me when I need it but only when I know deep down I deserve it.
  • He would never spank me when I was upset.

It was a tall order—and the weird thing is even when reality washed through, I ended up with a lot of my list! James is bigger and stronger than me, he can hold me down for a spanking, and he is the most smart, responsible, and dedicated man I know.

But I digress.

My experience quickly showed that I don’t actually like getting spanked—well, not for discipline. I will go to great lengths to avoid it, and neither of us get turned on by a real disciplinary spanking in real-time. (Later in the day or down the road we might look back on it and call it ‘hot’, but we really don’t think that at the time.)

And you know what? That’s the point! Discipline = Not Fun… but that’s the way it had to be for me for this to work. If he went around looking for reasons to spank me, or if I didn’t respond the way he wanted me to, this lifestyle would have been dead within months.

If James even took a fraction of the opportunities he’s come across to discipline me, I would probably have felt beaten down. I make a spanking-worthy mistake every other day! So, James now only spanks me for more extreme offenses. Things we’ve discussed before a million times, etc.

It would feel unfair to me that James never gets punished except that he holds himself steadfastly to a high standard. It’s hard to get angry at him, because he gets so apologetic and angry at himself when he messes up.

That being said, we do fight. Discipline can’t always be pulled out to resolve conflict. And as with every relationship—there will be conflict. There will be angry words bigstock-Battle-Of-The-Sexes-4575010and tears and you will have to learn what not to say as well as what to say to make your relationship work. You have to learn to choose your battles and compromise. It’s hard work, and it’s worth it. But DD isn’t a procedure that anyone can perform on their marriage and it be a cure all, because in the wrong hands, or in the hands of people that have unrealistic expectations for their partner, DD can lead to an unhappy and unhealthy relationship.

The big mistake I was making in my initial DD fantasies was that I imagined the relationship would be completely focused on me—I would live for me, and the HoH would live for me.

You need to be living for each other’s happiness. If you can get happiness while your partner’s not happy, then DD is probably not for you. It can destroy your relationship. Even when your HoH disciplines, he can’t be happy about it. If he was happy about having to cause you unhappiness, you might have a situation on your hands. That’s not the recipe for a good DD relationship, or any good relationship at all.

But here’s the good news—in my experience, at least—about DD.

It can help you prove your trust & dedication for your partner.

Not a lot of couples have the ability to show their trust for each other in the way DD does and as often as it does. DD is one partner gaining power and responsibility from the other to do the right thing, and it’s acknowledged from both sides. Every time discipline is performed, the trust is refreshed—you give it over / receive it again. I think the frequency of this helps intimacy and the bond of a relationship as well as the self-confidence of the HoH and both get to show that they trust the strength of their bond, making it stronger each and every time.

It raises the standard.

James can make me be a better wife. He makes sure I do what I’ve agreed to do in our partnership and that I actually do what I’ve vowed to do, like be a good helpmate to him. However, he has to hold himself to a higher standard to be able to honestly believe he deserves the responsibility to discipline me—he always strives to be a better husband.

No retaliation.

We’ve all seen War of the Roses, but surprisingly a lot of people war with their husband in their own—normally less crazy—ways. “Oh, he bought himself a new car without asking me, so I get to buy this new wardrobe without telling him,” or “If she can’t be bothered to make dinner, then I’m not gonna bother to take out the trash.” I don’t have to deal with that. If what I did is bad enough, he should spank me. If it wasn’t so bad that he spanked me, then it’s not worth getting in a twist over. He should let it go—and he usually does—and then we move on. Me? All I have to do is say, “You wouldn’t let me do that!” and if it is true, James, horrorstruck, will normally concede. It’s actually quite freeing not having resentments brewing inside of us.

It’s quick!

Okay, when it comes to things that ‘resolve’ behavior, it’s done fast. I mean, for most things it’s less than five minutes of spanking. Resentment and disappointment normally last much longer.

I should probably add at this point that I think that those reasons alone are enough. We think it’s helped our relationship and our closeness, strengthening our friendship, partnership, and intimacy.

But do we think it’s for everyone? No. It’s all about personalities, individuals, and their own personal strengths and weaknesses. Masochists may need something other than spanking for discipline, for example. If one’s husband is having trouble disciplining himself with his money or responsibilities, then he might still be a fantastic, loving husband, but may not be the best candidate to be the HoH and the disciplinarian.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?!

This is a round-table discussion, so click on the links below to go to the next discussion about DD. For readers and lurkers, though, please comment! I never know what to comment myself, so if you’re stumped, here’s some questions!!

For those in a DD relationship, how does the reality of the relationship compare to what you anticipated beforehand? For those interested in DD, what would be your hopes, fears, and expectations in a DD relationship?

This is a Blog Hop!


34 Responses to Round Table Discussions – Domestic Discipline

  • Thanks for jumping in and sharing your thoughts. Though I’m still in the hopeful/looking stage, I love hearing from people who’ve been there.

    • That’s awesome! Good luck! There’re definitely a lot of guys out there interested in it that I’ve come across in the last year and a half alone. Hope you find that special someone! 🙂

  • My experience is that of a submissive in a BDSM relationship, but I’m always intrigued to see the ways that what I live is much more DD. I love your point on retaliation, Korey Mae- that tit-for-tat that too often happens in relationships. Like I think of many of the “man/woman” jokes that stand up comedians do- “Women hate ‘Sportscenter’ and love ‘Golden Girls’ and will start arguments during ‘Sportscenter'”- well that’s not a reality in my household 😀 I would never pick my Master’s favorite shows as a time to start an argument. I do relate though to “this isn’t my fantasy”- I always wanted a 24/7 BDSM situation and have found it much harder in real life that I expected. Nope, it’s not as easy to subsume my will to my Master’s 😀 I’ve had friends who didn’t understand BDSM look at me and say “I can’t imagine you as a submissive”- to which I’ll reply, well you’re not my Master and in fact you’ve never seen me with Him 😀

    • Lol! I know how that goes! Been there! It used to hurt my feelings when people assumed I was dominant or a top, because I don’t think that’s what I am, or at least not who I want to be seen as. But then I realized that they don’t know anything about BDSM or really anyone who’s into it; so they just think of a submissive of shy, simpering, weak, and they view me as a strong person, which is a cool thing for your friends to admit to you being, since friends can actually be pretty hard to get truthful insights on how they really view you. So, I think 9 times out of 10, it’s a total compliment! Besides, your master knows the real you–that you can be submissive and creative and outgoing and strong all at the same time because you’re that complex and interesting– and that’s all that matters. 😉

  • Yay! You got it working:) What I tried to say earlier was… I identify with so much about your post. I laughed when I saw your expectations list as it so closely matched my own. I’m glad the reality is so much more real and human and…better. So many great points here that I won’t touch on them all, but this post speaks to so much that is going on in my life right now.

    • Well, you and I definitely love to talk about it, don’t we? 😉 We certainly think highly of our men! They’re good guys who spank… and we enjoy spanking and we enjoy having a guy who cares enough to discipline us. I’m totally bummed your cowboy couldn’t make it to Shadowlane, BTW! Dying to meet your guy! 🙂 I already like him; you seem happier every time I see you!

  • Your box detailing common misconceptions about DD couples is spot on. There’s a lot of criticism out there–criticism without knowledge. Good post, Korey.

    • Thanks, Patricia!!

      The misconception’s not always totally wrong. I’ve seen DD relationships become abusive ones. Most people can’t see where the line is. They can’t understand it even if they read several books about it because it rubs against their grain. It’s a rough concept for them since we live in a culture who is very protective of women and don’t like seeing them abused, which is a fantastic thing about our culture.

      That being said, I think many can’t see the forest for the trees on DD. What they see is discipline, what they think it is is abuse, and there’s no 60 Minutes program that’s going to explain it’s otherwise. It’s a poor situation, indeed. Ahhh, if only explaining DD to friends and family was easier… Meh. It’s a bane, no doubt about it! 😉

      • I gave up trying to explain it and just let it shine forth on its own. People can criticize and that opens the discussion. The a-word (“abuse”) sometimes gets in the way of what otherwise would be a useful dialog. It’s a shame, too.

  • Great post, Korey. You are right on so many fronts. And I too loved your Expectations.

    • Thanks so much, Patty–means a lot coming from you, too, since I’ve always viewed you as a DD big-league since you write it so well. 🙂 (Everyone who is stumbling on the blog who love DD, check out Patty’s Choices series. They’re candy to DD lovers.) Thanks so much for visiting!!

  • I tried to comment earlier, but I dont think it went through, so Im trying again. If a previous comment went through already, I apologize.

    Anyway, I really love this post. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote ..I had all these standards and expectations of what DD was going to be like, and when I finally found DD I was surprised to realize it was something you really have to put work into. Its not always a fairytale. I think once I realized that, thats when I was the happiest.

    Great post. 🙂

    • Yeah, sorry about that! The comments totally weren’t working earlier; Casey McKay had to let me know. It was totally my fault; I was using this ancient plugin that wanted things out of the new WP system that it hadn’t updated for. It was an easy fix, but I feel totally dumb that I didn’t do a comment test. Sorry about the trouble there! I’m glad you tried again, Kenzie!

      It’s been said to me that the best way to find happiness is to want only what you can have. Then you get everything you want. So I’m so happy you said that–because you’re right 100%. It’s not always a fairytale and it’s a crap-tons of work, BUT once you realize that even with the fauz pas and the shortcomings you’re still happy and love the lifestyle and have a good relationship, that’s where contentment really sets in, wouldn’t ya say? 🙂

      Thanks so much for commenting twice for me! 🙂

  • First of all, this hit a cord with me: ‘However, he has to hold himself to a higher standard to be able to honestly believe he deserves the responsibility to discipline me—he always strives to be a better husband.’ I totally agree with this. He has to be WORTHY to do this, otherwise it won’t work–at least in my head.

    For me, I think the fantasy is much nicer than the reality. For Tom and I, it isn’t a necessity, and he doesn’t feel like he needs to perform that role for me. There were moments in our marriage when I thought that was what I wanted, but realistically, a spanking hurts. Why would I want that? When I do bad, I’m sorry most of the time, and I really try not to make the mistake again. Coming at it from that angle, why would a man (Tom, in this case) need to spank? Yet, I write about it in the context of an ‘aspect’ of the relationship, and not necessarily something that ‘defines’ the relationship, as in, ‘I’m in a DD relationship’. It has taken me a while to come to terms with exactly what I want for us, from him and from our marriage, but this is it. In my case, the reality was far from the fantasy, and something I believed I wouldn’t be happy with.

    I loved reading about your expectations, and then the reality, KMJ.

    Best to you and James.

    • Thanks, Jade! I love your share! I agree with you–it’s not really that necessary if you have enough self-discipline. Discipline is the anti-fun. I think I could talk James into take the DD out of our relationship if I continued to show self-discipline. I always feel bad when I make a mistake… but the more often I make a particular mistake, the less bad I feel about it. So that’s normally when the DD comes in, because he feels he ‘needs’ to spank me, which is true. I tend to need to ‘reset’ my self-discipline functionality. Otherwise, if everything’s working good, why change it?! So I totally see and agree with your choice there. “It has taken me a while to come to terms with exactly what I want for us, from him and from our marriage, but this is it. In my case, the reality was far from the fantasy, and something I believed I wouldn’t be happy with.”… Love this quote from you–you phrased this perfectly! Love it. 🙂

      • I guess, too, it’s about what you need help with. I went through a phase where I completely lost track of ‘things’–things he asked me to do for him, and even huge things like picking up the kids (I know…right?). When I forgot to pick up my son from practice one day because I was immersed in the writing, and my phone went dead so no one could get hold of me, and Tom (who was at work) finally sent me an urgent email asking if I was OK–that was the day I thought, ‘Oh, boy. Not good.’ Had Tom been a spanking man, that would have been the day for the mother of all spankings. I actually wanted him to, that day. I felt so bad. I fixed that issue immediately, but i felt like I needed, and wanted to atone. It was a banner day of self analysis for me, and forgetting our son fixed what Tom’s constant complaints about my negligence never could.

        Also, for me, I feel sometimes like DD is either arbitrary (whenever he deems it necessary) or ‘fixed’ (if you sass/brat/lie/don’t clean the floors, you’ll get spanked) and while I suppose one or the other of these, or something in between, needs to be consistent, the idea of ‘discussing’ it and then ‘agreeing’ to rules never sat well with me. And this is where the fantasy part plays out, and I can play it out in the writing. And it’s why I’m such a fan of the non-consent, or implied consent. Again, I have no idea how this idea plays out in a r/l DD relationship. I’d love to hear from others on this. Do any of our commenters have/practice the idea of non or implied consent? Just curious and very personal, I know.

        • Oooh! Consensual non-consent! That’s totally us all the way. I’m never consenting to discipline at the time, whether or not I deserve it and know it. When we got together, the first thing we did was say that he could spank and discipline me whether or not I consented to it at the time, that I trusted him inherently to make those judgement calls even if I didn’t agree with him about it for a particular situation. It’s part of what is so important about having a DD relationship for me–the trust for him to discipline me without my say-so. Sometimes it can make discipline that much more jarring–the fact that he’s doing it against my will and I can’t stop him–but then afterwards I feel it increases our intimacy and makes me more willing to actually follow the rules and responsibilities that we agreed I’d do–because I can’t make the train go off the tracks. That’s not for everybody, I know, but it works for us. It would be interesting to hear more about that from the rest of the spanking community to see what they think about that, too. Might be the idea of another roundtable… 😉

  • I totally get the thing where real discipline isn’t fun in the moment, but looking back on it is hot– that makes perfect sense to me! Thanks for joining us today and great write up!

    • I know–it’s one of those things that’s really hard to explain outside the community, though, I must say! 🙂 Thanks so much for visiting, Renee!

  • I loved your post, Korey! Your “wish list” was so much like mine!
    What really struck a cord with me was your comment about it not just being one sided. You said that so perfectly!
    When we first started, my list was so long; I had a ton of fantasies, and I really was selfish enough to assume that it was all about me.
    Wow, I was so wrong!
    But it has taken some time (and growth) for me to get to that point.
    Very well written!

    Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with us.
    Please come back and do another SRT post!

    • Thanks so much, Katherine! I loved your post, too!

      I think a big thing in a healthy relationship is that once you’re in one, and you see your partner struggling and not having a good time, you suffer, too. So, putting all the responsibilities on him to do everything and if nothing works out being his fault was much more flawed of an idea than I thought it would be before I was in the relationship. I just can’t put stuff that makes me unhappy on him if it makes him unhappy too, because then it’s just relocating my problem and still affecting me just as much, because what affects him effects me. That being said, he puts strength to a lot of the parts of me that were weak before, and helps me get stronger, too. 😉

  • Sounds like your marriage is very real with a lot of give and take.

    • I love this post. You shared so much that I hardly know where to begin except to say I relate to so much of what you’ve said. You hit the nail on the head with so many things!

      I was not aware of dd when I was dating Jason spanked me a few times for fun and it shocked me how much I loved it. But then for years I wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t until years later we began erotic spanking and finally one day on his own,he decided I needed a real spanking. A real spanking? I thought that was wrong! I had the misconceptions you listed above…every one.

      But then he spanked me. For real. And I realized how much I truly wanted DD.

      It does being about such harmony. Not perfection…real life isn’t perfect…but harmony. And I love how you showed that. Great post!

      Jason’s Girl

      • Ok my mobile totally skipped on me and that line “I was not aware” should be two sentences! Lol I was not aware of DD when we were dating. He spanked me…

        • Yay! I love stories like yours, where you get introduced to DD and love it! And you’re right, it is about harmony–living together with equal happiness. Couldn’t have said it better! Thanks so much for sharing that!! 🙂

    • Indeedy! 😉 Thanks so much for visiting, Cara! 🙂

  • I think the idea of DD is super hot. I used to think it even before I knew there was something actually called DD that people actually practiced. I have learned it takes two very mentally healthy people to truly live it. Your point on looking out for each other’s happiness is a good one – in and out of DD. Old resentments and hurts and just life gets in the way of that I think and if DD is the way to get beyond it, perfect. I do think it clears the slate efficiently.

    Since coming out about wanting to be spanked, I still think DD is hot – but it’s also different if I think of it in my ‘real’ relationship. I’m sitting across the kitchen table looking at my husband as I write this ☺. Since starting with spanking (not DD), we are so much closer and my expectations of that intimacy and the constancy of it have doubled. We talk a whole lot more and I’m sure he wishes I’d stop voicing it every time I thought we were not as intimate lately – which happens – life, kids, some weeks you hardly spend 10 minutes alone together. The reconnection happens more quickly now probably mostly because I speak up and we address it.

    One thing that’s kind of interesting is that when we talk about DD for ourselves, my husband says ok, make a list of things and let’s discuss them. This is where my understanding of DD has changed. I was always hung up on the ‘why does HE get to choose when SHE gets spanked?’ So the ball is in my court and has been for a bit and I’m still holding on to it. It seems like as soon as I think of something I can put on that list, it’s like I immediately adjust it on my own anyway. So not sure we’ll ever need spanking for correction if that makes sense. I think I just want the intimacy piece. Ok, and I do like being spanked very much ☺ I’m going to stop as I’ve now turned this into an entire post.

    I do like your expectations list. They sound like the heroes of our books!! But I’ll tell you that since living in the land of giants (and I’m 5’5″ so average), too tall men are so overrated. All that constant looking up just hurts your neck after a while.

    • Oh, I know… I had an ex boyfriend for five years who was 6’5”–neck cramp central. I actually found I prefer James’ height, who’s 5’10 and I’m 5’6, so that saves on spine injuries. 😉 I remember in that John Adam’s movie/ miniseries, Ben Franklin looks at George Washington and says something like, “He’s the tallest man in the room. He’s going to end up leading *something*.” I guess, even though I knew about the neck-strain, there was still some sort of correlation in my mind with strength of a leader and their height. I know, history is full of short little men who took the world, but… I’m not exactly wise, per se… 😉

      Anywhoo, it sounds like you have a good grasp on the potential problems with a DD relationship. Especially if you love all and any spankings–then spanking ain’t gonna work for discipline! It’s happy-time! Lol! Anyway, I totally hear ya. I have a ‘consensual non-consent’ agreement with my husband so he doesn’t have to get my approval before spanking me, or else it’d probably never happen. (Except during happy spankey times. 🙂 ) As you said, spanking alone sometimes helps with intimacy. Though, most things that a husband and wife do privately together and enjoys creates that. Spanking I think doubly so because of the pain and power exchange without the need for discipline at all to achieve a good & deep level of intimacy. I totally hear ya. 🙂

      Thanks so much for sharing, Natasha! 🙂 Hugs!!

  • What a great post, Korey. Full of wisdom and humor.

    You made me think of when I was a wayward teen and getting into trouble all the time. I remember thinking life had gotten so complicated and that I wished I was five again where I could just get a spanking and it would solve everything. It would be quick and everyone would just move on, maybe with some tears but there wouldn’t be all the disappointment and negative feelings… Too bad all problems/conflicts can’t be fixed with a quick spanking. Darn it!

    • Urrch! I know, right?! I wish all it took was to be spanked and move on, like a game-reset or something. I make so many mistakes in life that I keep alienating people, but even if James spanks me, it doesn’t resolve my guilt over the things I’ve said and done there. Le sigh. But then, we thought punishment solved things when we were five, but let’s face it–it was us being five that made people forgive us, not us being punished. Damn reality… 😉

  • Korey, I am so glad that you joined in this week’s discussion. This post is spot on! You articulate so well. This was the perfect example of fantasy vs. reality. I think any of us who had time to fantasize about DD for any period of time built it up to a level that was fairytale worthy. I did not go into this intending to be selfish in any way, however once I had the taste of my needs being met for the first time I became intoxicated by it in a way. I did go through a selfish stage at a beginning point in DD even though I did not think of it that way at all. I think a lot of us get obsessive with our needs and our hoh’s meeting them and doing things “the right way” at least for awhile. Luckily I snapped out of it pretty quickly. I love above all else with DD that Jeff and I communicate deeper than we ever had, we bounce back to deep intimacy very quickly after a disagreement, and it’s important to both of us to meet one another’s needs.

    I do think in the beginning it can help pave the way and get used to things to have set rules & consistency. Even if it is trite such as mopping the floor it can help a couple begin their journey finding their way, getting used to the roles they have chosen, and get used to that dynamic. It’s a baby step. At this point we usually only have a couple of discipline spankings a year. Occasionally we will get on a roll and it will be several in a row. The discipline spankings that help me the most and are the most cathartic are when stress has built to a breaking point, I’m emotional, overwhelmed, lashing out at the kids & Jeff, and he steps in. It is usually exactly what I need to reset and release all of those pent up emotions. It’s usually not pretty, but I feel incredibly loved afterward and taken care of.

    There are other spankings of all different sorts that are positive and incredibly yummy.

    • Lol, James read your comment and totally zoomed in on what you said to getting very few and then getting several in a row and said, “That’s totally us, right?” We do do this–where it seems like there are times I get spanked a ton, and then there’s a dirth of spankings afterwards. I think it’s because I start getting lax, and he gets lax with me, and then suddenly he realizes that I’ve gotten too lax because of his non-consistency and so he actually pays attention to what I’m doing or not doing, and we sort of reset the dynamics of the DD. It’s a cycle. I don’t think it’s bad, though, I still have in mind that he might go into strict-status any moment so I stay on top of stuff for the most part. 🙂

      And yeah, other spankings are totally yummy–it’s just the discipline ones that I really avoid. James has a totally hard hand when he wants to. 😉

      Thanks so much for visiting, Corinne–not to mention running this thing! 🙂 I really appreciate your effort and hard work!!H Hugs!

  • Oh my gosh, just yes! Everything you said, YES! That was my exact fantasy!

    I think everyone who invests in a real long term relationship with their spanking partner goes through all the stages of fantasy vs. reality. PPD and I met on SIN, so we started out knowing each other to be spankos but “the spanking scene” and we were both very young. We’ve now been married 5 years and together almost 9 and I think we are just starting to hit our groove. I can definitely relate to running in spurts as well!

    Having started out as an insatiable, stubborn brat, I think the biggest lessons I have learned through the years are: 1.He can’t take my submission, if I’m never willing to give it, 2. A little respect goes a long way, and 3. submission isn’t a dirty word.

    What a great post and a fun idea with the round table, I’m loving reading them all!

  • OMG! Your story sounds so similar to mine, Sarah!! James and I met on Sin, too about 6 1/2 years ago and have been married for just over 5 years! That is so cool! I hadn’t run into anyone who’d met their hubby on SIN before!

    Totally agree! Although James did say that he wished I had been a bigger brat at first. I go into sad panda mode and he didn’t want to make me feel worse by spanking me. Now he sort of does the ‘I don’t want to discipline you, either, but that’s where we are.’ thing. He says it’s easier to spank a brat than a sad panda. 🙂 So, I totally gave him a rocky start. I totally agree with all three of your list! Especially that a little respect goes a long way. 😉

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