Four short years ago today, I got to marry the love of my life. He saw me coming down the aisle and didn’t turn and book it like he probably should have, but for my own part, I couldn’t be happier. He gets sexier every single damn year, and he becomes more and more of the cornerstone of my life every day. He’s not just a lover that fulfills my desires until I catch my breath, James is also my teacher, my confidant, my brother-in-our-faith, but he’s also my best friend. I couldn’t live without him.
As some of you already know, I met James over 5 years ago on Spanko.net when I wasn’t even looking for a long-term boyfriend. James just took my breath away. I had an unexplainably good feeling about him right away, enough that I told my career to go screw itself and moved all the way down to Texas to be with him. At the time I would just shrug and say, “Well, it’s the best thing I’ll ever do, or the stupidest.” But I knew then, with every bone in my body, that I was making the right decision.
I once was lamenting to my mother in law that God made me a Spanko. She was obliged to take offense at first, but here’s my reason that I was quick to give her: Being a spanko is not a blessing, not from a young age. To hide what you are for so many years is unbearable, to be ashamed of what you think, how you are, what you desire, for that many years, was miserable. I wondered why I was born this way, why I was this way. It was a hardship for me–I felt like being a Spanko was some sort of condition, like a disease and I hated myself for it. I was humiliated for myself.
But when I met James, it felt like it all made sense. It was fate. I was meant to be “into spanking” because I was meant to be there for James to IM me. It was the thing that hooked us together even though we grew up in separate states. It was the first foundation to our relationship–domestic discipline, with him in charge. We joke that we arranged our own marriage because we made so many decisions and moved in together not knowing much about each other, but knowing that we would grow to love each other, and that DD could work, and it would help bring us together and make us happy. And it worked.
I did fall in love with James, and then he fell in love with me, and spanking kept us from quarreling or making resenting each other. We lived and still live only to make each other proud and happy. We let ourselves like things that the other liked, sometimes with difficulty at first but then with sincerity. We share a love for the same foods, we have the same friends, we love quoting stupid movies every two seconds, we’re even of the same faith now. We miss each other even when he has to go to work for the day.
Four years ago, I just remember thinking that I couldn’t be more in love with James than I was right at that moment. I was so, so wrong! I love him a bizillion times more now than I did then. I love going to sleep with him spooning behind me every night, and then he’s always the first thing I see when I roll over in the morning, and we say, “How blessed we are!”
Was it easy at first? No. It took a lot of nut-grabbing and fear-swallowing. We weren’t sure of ourselves, we were scared, we were afraid we’d look back on this whole thing and call ourselves stupid. But we overcame all of that and made it happen. Now I couldn’t imagine any life in any universe or at any time without him. I’m so grateful of everything in my life that sped me up, slowed me down, gave me grief or joy, anything that put me where I was: on the path to meet him.
But don’t let my mushiness put you off, because I’ll end with this: Thank God for making me a Spanko; it was the most painful part about me and now I see that it was the gift that would lead me to James better than any compass It was been a wonderful, wonderful four years, and I’m looking forward to the next sixty.