Since Korey has upped the ante by creating a repeating series, and since I’ve promised her I’d post much more often, I’ve decided to do the same. The general purpose of the series is to discuss and respond to complaints that women have about men (especially potential HOH’s) that I consider unreasonable or silly.
Upon hearing the subject of my series, Korey initially suggested (somewhat jokingly) that I title it “Quit your bitching woman!”, and in a sense this title is more accurate than “A Man’s Response”. However, I decided to be less combative, because the “woman” I’m referring to is certainly not Korey, but rather a generic “modern woman”. Furthermore, these are not meant to be responses specifically to Korey’s posts, although they may seem to immediately follow them suspiciously often. For the most part I usually agree with what she has to say. They may address side issues indirectly raised by Korey’s posts, or be about completely different issues. I’m going to try to keep them to a reasonable length.
Now, a confession… I play video games, for a couple of hours a week on average. I am not at all ashamed of this, I only call it a confession because I suspect a reasonable fraction of DD-minded women just decided that I am not worthy to be HOH. Even outside the DD community, I have found that a decent fraction of women have decided that if a man plays and enjoys video games, he must be immature and childish. I could give a detailed justification for why I find video games to be a perfectly acceptable pastime, how in many ways they are much more intellectually stimulating than TV, and how they can actually be a very family friendly activity, but I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m simply going to make a blunt statement. First, however, I need to define two terms. I will make no effort to actually look these up in a dictionary, I will instead simply give what I use them to mean. (Why am I being so pedantic? Because as Korey pointed out, I’m an aerospace engineer who is still in grad school, and I am used to having approximately ten people edit, re-edit, and in general bitch and moan about everything I write. I humbly apologize for taking this out on you.) Now, the definitions:
Time that is available for doing things that amuse you, for no other reason than that they amuse you.
Money that is available to spend on things that amuse you, for no other reason than that they amuse you.
Now, the statement: Provided that he isn’t doing anything morally reprehensible, it is none of your business what your husband does with his spare time or his spare money. Furthermore, with the same caveat about morality, it is none of his business what you do with yours, even if he is a strict, hard-spanking HOH.
Note that I make no comment about how much spare time or spare money a person should have. This is dictated by circumstances. How much do you earn? Is the house paid off? Do you have kids or not? Is it a really busy week at work or not? Are relatives in town or not? Etc. How much spare time a person has is very much their spouse’s business. If a man is playing video games when he needs to be working, this is certainly a problem. If a man is spending excessively on video games, that is a problem. If a man is neglecting his family to play video games, that is a problem. These are reasonable points that a woman should raise with her husband, especially if he is the HOH. If he is a good HOH, he should honestly consider what she is saying, and if it is at all reasonable, adjust his behavior. As in everything else, if he isn’t sure who is right, he should err on the side of doing what his wife asks, because that is the chivalrous thing to do.
If she is being completely unreasonable, however, that is what the paddle is for. If you just gave the ok for her to spend $100 on shoes, and she then claims you are wasting money when you buy video game for $50, she might well need a paddling. If your wife just spent two hours watching “Project Runway” while you mowed the lawn, and is now griping that you want to play “Halo” for a little while, she probably needs a paddling. Finally, if the last three movies you’ve been to with your wife all had Sandra Bullock in them, and you didn’t complain, but she throws a fit when you want to watch “Predator”, she most definitely needs a paddling.